The Loud House Funny Business Kisscartoon
The following is a transcript for the episode "Funny Business".
Script
 | The following transcript is owned by Paramount and is an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use. |
[Lincoln is walking outside his firm to the tree so he can sit down and read comics.]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Ahh, zero like reading comics on a peaceful summer--"
[A horn is honking and Lincoln screams, startled at the sound; it came from Luan in her clown outfit carrying her birthday props on a unicycle.]
Luan: "Whoa! A little help?" [falls off her unicycle]
Lincoln: [helps her upward] "Dorsum from another altogether party?"
Luan: [a bowling pin falls out of her mouth] "Uh, my third gig this weekend. I could really use an banana. Hey, what about you? You're great with Gary."
[Gary chomps on Lincoln's comic.]
Lincoln: "Hey, stop that! I thought Lucy was helping you lot."
[Flashback of Luan performing airship animals at a circus themed altogether party.]
Luan: "And now, if my assistant volition merely paw me one more balloon, we'll have a pterodactyl."
[Equally Luan sees an empty corner, Lucy appears backside her with a airship and startles her, popping the balloon in the process.]
Boy: [To Lucy] "You killed the dinosaur!"
[The kids start booing. A cerise FIRED sign appears over Lucy's Funny Business ID Carte du jour and a cablegram sounds. Cease flashback.]
Luan: [Picks up a rubber chicken] "Lucy didn't work out. Neither did Lynn."
[Flashback of Luan juggling fruit while riding on a unicycle at a pirate themed birthday party.]
Luan: "H2o you say we add some melon?"
[The kids cheer. Lynn throws a watermelon like a football, but accidentally hits Luan. The kids boo the performance. A ruby FIRED sign appears over Lynn'south Funny Business concern ID Card and a buzzer sounds. Finish flashback.]
Luan: "Or Leni."
[Flashback to another circus themed birthday party.]
Luan: "Why are clowns never bored? 'Cause we're proficient at keeping occu-pied." [clears throat] "I said, good at keeping occu-pied."
[Luan looks where Leni is, but there'southward nothing in that location just a pie. She turns and sees Leni in the crowd. Luan facepalms at this, walks to the pie and slaps information technology to her face up, making the kids and Leni cheer. A cherry-red FIRED sign appears over Leni'due south Funny Business ID Carte du jour and a buzzer sounds. End flashback.]
Luan: "Or Lisa."
[Flashback to a medieval themed birthday political party as Luan does a trumpet fanfare dressed as a jester.]
Luan: "Hey, Birthday Boy. Why don't yous take the seat of honor?"
[Equally the boy sits down, a farting noise from the Whoopee cushion is heard which Luan and the other kids express joy at.]
Lisa: [taking the cake away] "No, no! No one eat that block! Information technology clearly causes gastrointestinal distress."
[The kids first crying. A blood-red FIRED sign appears over Lisa'southward Funny Business ID Carte du jour and a buzzer sounds. End flashback.]
Lincoln: [sarcastic] "Well, I am so honored to be your fifth choice."
Luan: "Come on, Lincoln. Please? I really need your help."
Lincoln: "I don't know. I´k not really the performing blazon. I don't want to make a fool of myself on phase."
Luan: "Don't worry. That's my job. All y'all have to do is aid with the props."
Lincoln: "Uh, I don't know think information technology's for-" [notices Luan holding a slice of cake in a container.] "What's that?"
Luan: "Ah, just birthday cake. I always get sent abode with leftovers."
Lincoln: "Oh..." [starts drooling upon seeing the dessert.]
Luan: "Usually I share it with my assistant. Only since this chore isn't for you--"
Lincoln: [Takes the cake] "When did I say that?"
[Luan smiles, A green HIRED sign appears over Lincoln's Funny Business organization ID Card and a bell rings.]
[At the first birthday party, like the one Leni got fired subsequently, Luan is setting upwards the pie joke from earlier.]
Luan: "Why are clowns never bored? 'Cause we're good at keeping occu-pied."
[Lincoln is nigh to throw the pie at Luan's face up, just loses balance after tripping on a whipped cream tin, and lands with a loud crash.]
Lincoln: "Pitiful!"
[The kids are laughing and cheering.]
[Lincoln and Luan are on their way habitation.]
Lincoln: "That was awesome. The part when I tripped and then the audience laughed, and and then clapped? Astonishing!"
Luan: "Glad you enjoyed it. Now here, I need you to clean this. Gary pooped in it."
[Lincoln gets grossed out while a green stinky smoke comes out of the top hat.]
[At the second birthday political party, which is some other pirate theme, Luan is juggling fruit while riding on her unicycle.]
Luan: "Water you say we add some melon?"
[The kids cheer. Lincoln appears running on a watermelon.]
Lincoln: [loses residuum] "Whoa, nelly!" [falls on information technology]
[The kids express joy]
[Luna's and Luan'due south room]
Lincoln: "Human, slap-up crowd, huh?"
Luan: "Yeah, super. So, what was that all about with the watermelon?"
Lincoln: "Well, yous know, audiences seem to love information technology when I autumn down so--"
Luan: "Permit me worry about the audience. You take intendance of deodorizing these clown shoes."
[Lincoln exits the room while taking the clown shoes, and so sees Lynn and Lana walking.]
Lincoln: "Whoopsy-daisy!" [falls and rolls at a distance while a loud crash is heard.]
[Lynn and Lana laugh at his operation.]
Lincoln: [takes a bow; to the viewers] "See? I practise know what audiences like."
[At the tertiary birthday party, like the one Lucy got fired afterward, Luan is making something with balloons.]
Luan: "And now, if my banana will manus me i more airship, we'll accept a pterodactyl."
Lincoln: [high-pitched phonation while covered in balloons.] "I went a little overboard with the helium. Whoa, good gravy!" [falls back every bit a loud crash is heard, getting the kids to laugh and cheer.]
[Luan shakes in anger.]
[At the quaternary birthday party, Luan juggles plates on her nose and both easily.]
Luan: "What did one plate say to the other? Tiffin' is on me."
[She and the kids express mirth.]
Lincoln: [holding a stack of plates] "Gadzooks!" [loses balance and lets his plates and Luan'south plates autumn down and break.]
[The kids crack upward.]
Lincoln: "I guess dejeuner is on me."
[As the kids laugh, Luan gets ticked off at Lincoln.]
Bratty Kid's Mom: [laughing] "He is hilarious!"
Fat Mom: "I know. LOL. I simply learned what that means."
[The other moms look at her unimpressed.]
[At the 5th birthday political party, which is another medieval theme, Luan does a trumpet fanfare.]
Luan: "All right, Birthday male child. Why don't you take the seat of honor?"
[Equally Lincoln sits on the seat, the Whoopee cushion's farting dissonance is heard from nether information technology.]
Lincoln: "Holy macaroni!" [falls back every bit a loud crash is heard.]
[The kids laugh like always; Lincoln is signing autographs while Luan angrily puts away her clown stuff.]
[while going back dwelling]
Lincoln: "Boy, we are killing it. Simply I've been thinking, peradventure y'all should practise a little less of the talky stuff and more of the pratfalls." [Enraged, Luan and then drop all of her supplies and turns to Lincoln, he's shocked.]
Luan: "Are you kidding me?!"
Lincoln: "What?"
Luan: "Await, Lincoln. Merely because you got a few laughs does non make you an proficient on clowning. There's a lot more than to it than just falling on your butt."
Lincoln: "Well, the audience certain seems to similar my--"
Luan: "Lincoln, enough! No more pratfalls. I am the clown. You are the assistant. Now go refill these whoopee cushions."
Lincoln: "But they're already inflated."
[Luan deflates them at her brother'southward confront.]
Luan: [frustrated] "Not anymore!"
[Luan walks to the house, opens the door then slams it.]
Lincoln: "Oh, yeah?! Well, that would've been funnier if you lot'd fallen on your butt!"
[At Luna and Luan'south room, Lincoln is refilling the whoopee cushions.]
Lincoln: "How dare she speak to me like that!" [inflates a whoopee cushion] "Afterward everything I've done for this business organization?" [inflates some other] "Y'all'd retrieve she'd have a little more than--"
[Phone rings]
Lincoln: [answers it] "Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business organization. Lincoln speaking."
Adult female on the telephone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "Yes, we're bachelor the 11th."
Woman on the telephone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "What?"
Adult female on the telephone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "Oh, actually?"
Adult female on the telephone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "Great. See you lot the 11th."
[Luan walks into her room.]
Luan: "Who did we only book?"
Lincoln: "Actually, the correct question would exist, who did I just book?"
Lisa: [calling from her and Lily'due south room] "You're both wrong! It'south 'whom'!" [slams her door]
Lincoln: "They only wanted me."
Luan: "Yeah, right."
Lincoln: "It'due south true. You may not recognize my talent, but plain the altogether party community does."
Luan: "So, what are y'all gonna do for your act? Fall on your barrel for an hour?"
Lincoln: "That's exactly what I'chiliad going to do, 'cause the audiences beloved it. Now, if you'll alibi me, I have to get put on my padded underwear."
[Luan gets angry, kicks the glass case and it shatters. Gary hops down and eats some cake.]
[At the 6th and last birthday party]
Lincoln: "And then, how old is the altogether girl? Iv? Five?"
Maggie's Mom: "Thirteen."
[It'due south revealed that the altogether party is full of emo tweens. 1 of them hits a pinata and hugs it immediately.]
Lincoln: "Oh. A little older than usual crowd, but no trouble. My one-act is ageless."
[The adjacent scene, Lincoln throws a banana peel on stage.]
Lincoln: "Hey, guys! Who'south prepare to laugh?" [slips on a banana pare] "Whoopsie doodle! Now who put this here?"
Maggie: "Um, yous did, obviously."
Lincoln: [shakes his head and holds up gag glasses.] "Possibly these glasses will assistance me encounter better!" [puts on the glasses and the eyes popular out and falls onto Maggie'due south poster.] "Heart-a-watha!" [gets back up and takes off the glasses.] "I really gotta become my prescription checked."
Maggie: "Mom, look what that loser clown did to my poster."
[Lincoln takes the poster off of him. The emos get their phones out and text.]
Lincoln: "Oh, expect at that! I take a message, too! Mom, didn't I tell you not to text me at..." [falls on the table every bit the cake flies into the air.] "Whoa!" [the cake lands on him.] "Remember, guys. Never walk and text!"
Tween #i: "Ugh, at present he'due south gonna lecture us?"
Maggie: [scowls] "He ruined my block! Mom, why did you hire him? I swear, if I had a door around me, I would slam it so hard right now!"
Lincoln: "Um, alibi me, everyone. There will now be a brief, unscheduled break. Text amongst yourselves!"
[Lincoln runs off stage but is stopped by Maggie's Mom.]
Maggie's Mom: "Where are you going? I paid y'all to perform for an hr."
Lincoln: "Merely I'm doing my all-time cloth, and they hate me."
Maggie's Mom: "Well, try something else. You're a professional clown, aren't yous?"
[Lincoln looks over at the other parents.]
Maggie'due south Dad: "Remind me not to book Funny Business, Inc. for my kid'south birthday."
Fatty Mom: "Me neither."
Bratty Child's Mom: "Oh, me neither. I don't want my kid to hate me."
Lincoln: "Lamentable, gotta run to the little clown's room."
[Lincoln runs inside a photo berth to call Luan with his phone.]
Luan: "Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business!"
Lincoln: "Luan!"
Luan: [makes static noises] "I'1000 sorry, I can't hear you. My clown machine's going through a tunnel."
[Equally Luan hangs up the phone, it rings again and she answers once again.]
Lincoln: "Luan, it's me."
Luan: "I know. That'due south why I hung upwards."
[She hangs upwards the phone again, merely it rings once over again and she answers in one case more. She looks irritated.]
Luan: "This is a business concern line, Lincoln! What do yous want?"
Lincoln: "Luan, I'g bombing out here. Yous gotta assistance me, delight!"
Luan: [sarcastic] "Oh! How could I possibly help you? You're the clowning good."
Lincoln: "No, I'grand not. You are. Yous told me there'southward a lot more than to clowning than only falling on your butt, and you were correct. Volition you please come help me?"
Luan: "I don't know, Lincoln. Maybe bombing would exist a practiced learning feel for you."
Lincoln: "Well, there's ane other affair. I retrieve I'm ruining the reputation of Funny Business, Inc. These parents are brutal!"
Luan: "Don't move! I'll be right there." [hangs up and puts on her helmet, which produces a baroque squishing sound, meaning merely one thing.] "Ugh, Gary!"
[Gary nervously blushes]
[Equally Lincoln is still in the photo booth looking nervous, Luan appears on her unicycle.]
Lincoln: "Luan! Await, how did you know I was in hither?"
Luan: [holds out some photos of Lincoln from the photo booth. Most show Lincoln looking freaked out. Merely one he posed for.] "Well, this was a pretty good inkling."
Lincoln: "Oh! So, what's the plan?"
Luan: "Okay, allow's see what we've got here."[observes the crowd] "Hmm, Emo tweens. Notoriously tough crowd. Simply, don't worry, this isn't my first mope fest."
[The next scene, Luan is seen on stage dressed as a mime and pretends to be trapped inside a box.]
Maggie: "Oh, I go it. She's, like, trapped in a box. That'south exactly how I felt when my mom said I couldn't dye my hair regal."
[Lincoln, who is as well dressed as a mime, looks from backstage and smiles while Luan pretends to climb a ladder.]
Tween #1: "Wow. It's like the soul crushing pointlessness of seventh grade."
[Luan goes backstage to get Lincoln, who is feeling nervous.]
Luan: "You ready to practice this?"
Lincoln: [nervously] "I don't know."
Luan: "You'll be fine. Just follow my atomic number 82."
[Both Lincoln and Luan walk onstage and practice a mirror routine.]
Maggie: "Wow! It'due south nigh how we're all just, like, clones."
Tween #2: "That's what I was gonna say."
Maggie: "Exactly."
[Lincoln and Luan finish their routine and the goth kids slowly give an applause.]
Maggie's Dad: "I have to get their business card."
[The other parents murmur in agreement.]
Bratty Kid's Mom: "Well, I call the weekend of the 22nd."
[The goth kids start cheering and a single black rose is tossed onto stage equally Luan picks it upwards.]
[Later, Lincoln and Luan are heading home with their props and costumes; Luan is riding her unicycle.]
Lincoln: "Cheers for saving my barrel. You were amazing out there. And I'm sorry for the manner I was acting."
Luan: "It's okay. I think how great information technology was to get my first big laugh. I shouldn't have been so harsh. Nevertheless my banana?"
Lincoln: "Still your assistant. Let me get those for you." [accidentally rips the bag and slips on the spilled whoopee cushions.] "Whoa!"
[Lincoln lands on them, which all make farting sounds.]
Luan: [chuckles] "Y'all know, that actually was kind of funny. Hither, allow me aid..." [Her unicycle slips on another whoopee cushion, sending her flying.] "Whoa, good gravy!" [lands on the whoopee cushions and Lincoln and they laugh.] "Hiawatha!"
[The two siblings do pratfalls every bit they land on the whoopee cushions and express joy again.]
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Source: https://theloudhouse.fandom.com/wiki/Funny_Business/Script