Harry Potter Funny Dumbledore Imagines Snape Mirror of Erised
Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.
Hermione: Now if you two don't mind, I'grand going to bed before either of yous come up upwards with some other clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled.
Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities!
Dumbledore: It takes a swell bargain of bravery to stand up up to your enemies, only a neat deal more to stand up to your friends.
Dumbledore: What happened downwardly in the dungeon between you lot and Professor Quirrell is a consummate cloak-and-dagger. And then, naturally, the whole schoolhouse knows.
Molly Weasley: [looks at Fred, hoping to get him onto platform ix 3/4] Fred, yous side by side.
George Weasley: He's not Fred, I am!
Fred Weasley: Honestly, adult female. Y'all call yourself our mother.
Molly Weasley: [to Fred] Oh, I'chiliad deplorable, George.
Fred Weasley: [approaches the barrier] I'm but joking, I am Fred!
[runs through the barrier]
Mr. Ollivander: Curious... very curious...
Harry: Sorry, only what's curious?
Mr. Ollivander: I remember every wand I've e'er sold, Mr. Potter. It then happens that the phoenix whose tailfeather resides in your wand gave some other feather... but ane other. It is curious that you should exist destined for this wand when its brother gave you that scar.
Harry: And who endemic that wand?
Mr. Ollivander: We exercise non speak his name! The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's non always articulate why. But I think it is clear that we can await great things from yous. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible! Aye. Only great.
Hermione: Harry, no manner! You heard what Madam Hooch said. Likewise, you don't fifty-fifty know how to fly!
[Harry ignores Hermione and he flies up]
Hermione: What an idiot!
Hermione: You'll exist okay, Harry. You're a dandy wizard. Y'all actually are.
Harry: Not equally good as yous.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. At that place are more than important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be conscientious.
Professor Severus Snape: At that place volition exist no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this form. As such, I don't await many of you lot to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few...
[stares at Draco Malfoy]
Professor Severus Snape: Who possess, the predisposition... I tin can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you lot how to bottle fame, brew glory, and fifty-fifty put a stopper in death.
[notices Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor Severus Snape: And then again, maybe some of you have come up to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident plenty to non pay attending!
[steps over to Harry]
Professor Severus Snape: Mister Potter. Our new celebrity.
Hermione: Neville, I'm actually, really sorry virtually this.
[raises her wand]
Hermione: Petrificus Totalus!
[Neville's artillery snap to his sides, and he drops to the floor, frozen stiff as a lath]
Ron: You lot're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary.
Ron: [Harry and Ron arrive tardily to Transfiguration, relieved that Professor McGonagall isn't at that place yet] Whew, made it. Can you imagine the await on old McGonagall's face if we were belatedly?
[the true cat sitting at the caput of the class all of a sudden transforms into her]
Ron: That was bloody bright!
Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Maybe it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket lookout man? That manner, one of you might be on time.
Harry: We got lost.
Professor McGonagall: Then mayhap a map? I trust you don't need one to find your seats.
Hermione: [later Hermione and Harry sink in the Devil'southward Snare, Ron is still panicking] He's not relaxing, is he?
Harry: Obviously not.
Hermione: I've gotta do something!
Harry: What?
Hermione: Oh, I call back reading something in herbology... um...
Ron: Hel-!
Hermione: Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare..."It'south deadly fun, simply will sulk in the sun!" That's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight! Lumos Solem!
[she conjures a type of sunlight from her wand; Ron falls to the ground beneath]
Harry: Ron, yous okay?
Ron: Yeah.
Harry: Okay.
Ron: [sigh] Lucky we didn't panic.
Harry: Lucky Hermione pays attention in herbology.
Neville Longbottom: [about his new Remembrall] Only problem is, I can't remember what I've forgotten.
Ron: What do they call up they're doing, keeping a affair like that locked upwards in a school?
Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you meet what it was standing on?
Ron: I wasn't looking at its feet! I was a flake preoccupied with its heads... or maybe you didn't notice? In that location were 3!
Dumbledore: Harry, do you know why Professor Quirrell couldn't bear to have y'all touch him?
[Harry shakes his head]
Dumbledore: It was because of your mother. She sacrificed herself for you lot, and that kind of act leaves a mark.
[Harry reaches up to touch his scar]
Dumbledore: No, no. This kind of mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin.
Harry: What is it?
Dumbledore: Honey, Harry. Love.
Oliver Wood: Scared, Harry?
Harry: A little.
Oliver Wood: That'south all right. I felt the same way before my first game.
Harry: What happened?
Oliver Wood: I, uh, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in hospital a week later.
[in the Devil'south Snare]
Hermione: End moving, both of you. This is devil's snare! You accept to relax. If you don't, information technology'll only kill you faster!
Ron: Kill us faster? Oh, now I tin relax!
Ron: Immortal?
Hermione: Information technology means yous'll never die.
Ron: [angry] I know what information technology means!
Sorting Hat: Hmm, difficult. VERY hard. Plenty of courage, I encounter. Non a bad mind, either. At that place'southward talent, oh aye. And a thirst to prove yourself. Just where to put you?
Harry: Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin.
Sorting Hat: Non Slytherin, eh? Are you sure? You could be cracking, you know. Information technology'southward all hither in your head. And Slytherin will assistance you on the mode to greatness, there's no doubtfulness about that. No?
Harry: Please, please. Anything simply Slytherin, annihilation just Slytherin.
Sorting Hat: Well if you're sure, better exist... GRYFFINDOR!
[during the final chess game; Harry looks effectually at the board]
Harry: Wait a minute!
Ron: You see information technology, don't y'all, Harry? Once I make my motion, the Queen will take me. So you're free to cheque the King.
Harry: No. Ron, NO!
Hermione: What is it?
Harry: He's going to sacrifice himself.
Hermione: No, you lot tin't, at that place must exist some other way!
Ron: Do you want to stop Snape from getting that stone or non?
[Hermione looks stunned]
Ron: Harry, it's you that has to go along, I *know* information technology. Not me, not Hermione, Yous.
[Harry takes a deep jiff and nods]
Ron: [later a deep breath] Knight to H3.
[Ron and his horse advance to the next square. Ron breathes deep]
Ron: Bank check.
[The white Queen turns, advances slowly upon him, then draws her sword and plunges it into his equus caballus, throwing him violently to the ground]
Harry: RON!
[Hermione makes equally if to run to him]
Harry: [to Hermione] NO! DON'T Movement! Don't forget - we're even so playing.
[Harry moves iii squares diagonally to his left and turns to face up the Male monarch]
Harry: CHECKMATE.
[last lines]
Hermione: Feels foreign to be going domicile, doesn't it?
Harry: [looking at Hagrid] I'thousand non going domicile. Not really.
Harry: Good of y'all to get us out of trouble similar that.
Ron: Mind you lot, we did salve her life!
Harry: Mind you lot, she might not have needed saving if yous hadn't insulted her.
Draco Malfoy: You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't wanna go making friends with the wrong sort. I can aid you there.
[he holds out his paw, which Harry doesn't take]
Harry: I think I can tell the incorrect sort for myself, thank you.
Ron: I'thousand Ron by the way, Ron Weasley.
Harry: I'm Harry. Harry Potter.
Ron: So... so it's true! I mean, exercise you really have the... the...
Harry: The what?
Ron: [in a hushed tone] The scar?
Harry: Oh.
[shows him the scar on his forehead]
Harry: Yes.
Ron: Wicked!
Dumbledore: Only a person who wanted to find the Stone - find it, but non utilize it - would be able to go it. That is one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you lot and me, that is maxim something.
[afterward being in the Nighttime Forest]
Harry: I think if he'd had the hazard, he might've tried to kill me tonight.
Ron: And to think, I've been worrying about my potions concluding.
Professor McGonagall: Nothing, I repeat, goose egg gives a student the right to walk almost the schoolhouse at dark. Therefore, equally penalization for your deportment, 50 points will exist taken.
Harry: 50?
[Ron and Hermione also looking shocked, Draco smirking]
Professor McGonagall: Each.
[Harry'southward mouth drops open]
Professor McGonagall: And to ensure it doesn't happen again, all 4 of you will receive detention.
Draco Malfoy: [smirk suddenly fades and steps upward] Excuse me, professor, perhaps I heard yous wrong. I thought y'all said the iv of usa.
Professor McGonagall: No, yous heard me correctly, Mr. Malfoy. Y'all see, honorable as your intentions were, you too were out of bed after hours. You volition join your classmates in detention.
[deleted scene]
Ron: [Neville comes hopping in, his legs apparently stuck together] Leg-Locker Curse?
Harry: Malfoy.
Ron: You take *got* to start standing upwards to people, Neville.
Neville Longbottom: [wobbling uncontrollably] How? I can barely stand at all!
Seamus Finnigan: [jumping up, wand at the ready] I'll practise the counter-curse!
Neville Longbottom: No, that's all I demand... y'all to set my bloody kneecaps on fire!
Seamus Finnigan: [slamming his wand downwardly] I don't capeesh the insinuation, Longbottom. Besides, if anyone cares to notice, my eyebrows have completely grown back!
[stalks off angrily, showing a big clamper of pilus missing from the back of his head]
Harry: I found him!
[hands Ron a Chocolate Frog card of Dumbledore]
Ron: 'Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the Nighttime Wizard Grindelwald in 1945-'
Harry: Go on.
Ron: '-for his discovery of the 12 uses of Dragon Blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner Nicolas Flamel!'
Harry: I knew the name sounded familiar, I read it on the train that mean solar day.
Hermione: [Beaming excitedly] Follow me!
[the Trio tears out of the Keen Hall, leaving poor Neville still flailing around]
Neville Longbottom: Hey, wait, where are you going? What nearly the counter-curse?
[Before he can say some other word he topples over backwards, sparking a fresh round of laughter from the other students]
[after communicable Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor Severus Snape: Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
[Harry doesn't respond]
Professor Severus Snape: You don't know? Well, let'due south try once again. Where, Mr. Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: Pity. Conspicuously, fame isn't everything, is it, Mr. Potter?
[deleted scene]
Professor Severus Snape: For your information Potter, Asphodel and Wormwood make a sleeping potion and then powerful it is known as the Draught of the Living Death, a Bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from almost poisons. As for Monkshood and Wolfbane, they are the aforementioned plant which too goes by the name of Aconite. Well, why aren't yous all copying this down?
Ron: I recollect we've had a bad influence on her.
Ron: It'south spooky! She knows more than about y'all than you practise!
Harry: Who doesn't?
Fred Weasley: Well done, Harry. Wood's merely told us.
Ron: Fred and George are on the team, too. Beaters.
George Weasley: Our job is to brand certain that you don't get bloodied up too bad. Can't make any promises, of course. Crude game, Quidditch.
Fred Weasley: Fell, but no one's died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally, just they'll turn up in a month or two!
Hermione: Look at yous playing with your cards. Pathetic! We've got final exams coming up shortly.
Ron: I'm ready! Inquire me whatsoever question.
Hermione: All right, what are the three most crucial ingredients in a Forgetfulness Potion?
Ron: I forgot.
Hermione: And what, may I enquire, do you lot program to exercise if this comes upwardly in the last exam?
Ron: Re-create off you lot?
Hermione: No, you lot won't! As well, co-ordinate to Professor McGonagall, we're to be given special quills bewitched with an anti-cheating spell.
Ron: [mimicking Hermione] "It's Levi-OOOOH-sa non LevioSAR." She'south a nightmare, honestly. It's no wonder she hasn't got whatever friends!
[Hermione comes upwardly from behind them and pushes past Ron, in tears]
Harry: I think she heard you.
Voldemort: There is no skilful and evil. There is only power, and those likewise weak to seek it.
Hermione: Ron, you don't suppose this is going to be like... *real* sorcerer's chess, practice you?
Ron: [looks around] Y'all there, D5!
[i of the giant black pawns crosses the lath, the white pawn smashes it with a violent accident]
Ron: [swallows] Yes, Hermione, I recall this is gonna be *exactly* like sorcerer'south chess.
Uncle Vernon: He volition non exist going, I tell you lot! We swore when nosotros took him in we'd put a stop to all this rubbish!
Harry: You knew? You knew all along and y'all never told me?
Aunt Petunia: Of form we knew. How could you lot not be? My perfect sister being who she was. My female parent and begetter were then proud the day she got her letter. "We have a witch in the family unit. Isn't it wonderful?" I was the only one to see her for what she was... a freak! And then she met that Potter. And so she had yous, and I knew you would be the aforementioned. Just equally foreign, just as... abnormal. And then if you please, she went and got herself diddled upward, and we got landed with y'all.
Harry: Blown upwardly? Y'all told me my parents died in a automobile crash!
Hagrid: A car crash? A car crash impale Lily and James Potter?
Aunt Petunia: Nosotros had to say something.
Hagrid: It'south an outrage! Information technology's a scandal!
Uncle Vernon: He'll non be going!
Hagrid: Oh, and I suppose a not bad muggle like yourself's gonna stop him, are ya?
Hagrid: If that dolt of a cousin of yours, Dudley, gives yous any grief, you could always, um, threaten him with a overnice pair of ears to become with that tail of his.
Harry: But, Hagrid, we're not allowed to practise magic away from Hogwarts. You know that.
Hagrid: I do, but your cousin don't, practice he?
Ron: Wingardium leviosar!
Hermione: Cease, stop, stop! Yous're going to have someone's middle out. Likewise, you lot're maxim it incorrect. It'due south LeviOsa, not LeviosAR!
Professor McGonagall: Albus, exercise you really think information technology safe, leaving him with these people? I've watched them all day. They're the worst sort of Muggles imaginable. They really are...
Dumbledore: The merely family he has.
Professor McGonagall: This male child will be famous. There won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his proper name.
Dumbledore: Exactly. He'south far better off growing upwards away from all of that. Until he is prepare.
Hagrid: You all right at that place, Harry? Y'all seem very quiet.
Harry: He killed my parents, didn't he?
[puts a hand to his scar]
Harry: The ane who gave me this?
[Hagrid is silent]
Harry: You know, Hagrid. I know you exercise.
[Hagrid sighs and pushes his bowl bated]
Hagrid: First - and sympathise this, Harry, 'cause information technology'southward very important - non all wizards are skilful. Some of them go bad. A few years agone at that place was 1 wizard that went every bit bad every bit you lot can go, and his name was V-
[sighs]
Hagrid: his proper noun was 5...
Harry: Mayhap if you wrote it downward...
Hagrid: Nah, I tin't spell it. Alright
[whispers]
Hagrid: 'Voldemort'
Harry: [loudly] Voldemort?
Hagrid: Shhh! It was dark times, Harry, night times. Voldemort started to gather some followers, brought 'em over to the dark side. Anyone who stood up to him ended up expressionless. Your parents fought confronting him, merely nobody lived once he decided to kill them. Nobody... not i... 'cept you.
Harry: Me? Voldemort tried to kill... ME?
Hagrid: Yep. That own't no ordinary cutting on your forehead. A marker like that only comes from being touched by a curse, and an evil curse at that.
Harry: What happened to Vol- to Y'all-Know-Who?
Hagrid: Well, some say he died. Codswallop in my opinion. Nope, I reckon he's nevertheless out in that location, too tired to comport on. But one thing's certain, something about y'all stumped him that night. That's why yous're famous, Harry, that'due south why everybody knows your proper noun. Yous're the boy who lived.
[about Every Flavor Beans]
Dumbledore: I was most unfortunate in my youth to come up across a vomit-flavored one, and since and so I'k afraid I've lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee.
[eats it]
Dumbledore: Mm, alas, earwax.
Percy Weasley: And keep an center on the staircases. They like to modify.
[Hagrid'due south sorry near Norbert being taken abroad]
Caretaker Argus Filch: For God'due south sake, pull yourself together man. You're going into the Forest after all. Got to have your wits about ya...
Draco Malfoy: The Forest? I thought that was a joke. We can't go in at that place. Students aren't allowed. And there are-
[a howling racket is heard]
Draco Malfoy: ... werewolves.
Caretaker Argus Filch: Oh, at that place's more than werewolves in those trees, lad. Y'all can be certain of that. Nighty-dark.
Dimpled Woman on Train: Anything from the trolly, dears?
Ron: [Holding up his sandwiches] No thanks, i'm all set.
Harry: [Taking some coins out of his pocket] We'll take the lot!
Ron: Whoa!
Dumbledore: Yep,Yep well done Slytherin, well washed Slytherin, even so recent events must be taken into account, and I have a few concluding minute points to honor.
Dumbledore: To Miss Hermione Granger, for the absurd use of intellect when others were in not bad peril, 50 points.
Dumbledore: 2nd to Mr. Ronald Weasley, for the best played game of chess that Hogwarts has seen these many years, 50 points.
Dumbledore: And third to Mr. Harry Potter, for pure nerve and outstanding courage, I award Gryffindor House 60 points.
Hermione: We're tied with Slytherin!
Dumbledore: And finally, it takes a great bargain of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up up to your friends, I award 10 points, to Mr. Neville Longbottom.
Dumbledore: Assuming that my calculations are correct, I believe a modify in decoration is in gild.
Dumbledore: Gryffindor wins the firm loving cup!
Hagrid: [near Fluffy] Merely play a flake of music and he falls straight asleep... I shouldn't take told you that!
Caretaker Argus Filch: A pity they permit the old punishments dice. Was a time detention would find yous hanging past your thumbs in the dungeons. God, I miss the screaming.
Harry: Hagrid, who gave you the Dragon Egg? What did he await like?
Hagrid: I don't know. I never saw his face. He kept his hood up.
Harry: This stranger, though, you and he must've talked.
Hagrid: Well, he wanted to know what sort of creatures I looked after. I told him. I said "After Fluffy, a dragon's gonna be no trouble."
Harry: Did he seem interested in Fluffy?
Hagrid: Well, of form he was interested in Fluffy. How ofttimes do you come across a 3-headed dog, even if yous're in the trade? But I told him I said - I said, "The trick with whatsoever creature is to know how to calm him." Accept Fluffy, for example, just play him a flake of music and he falls straight asleep.
Hagrid: [pause] I shouldn't have told you that.
Hermione: [putting a large volume on the table] I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.
Ron: This is light?
[looking at a recently-hatched dragon]
Hagrid: Isn't he beautiful? Oh, anoint him! Wait! He knows his mummy! Hallo, Norbert!
Harry: Norbert?
Hagrid: Yes, well, he'due south gotta have a name, don't he?
[stepping over Neville lying on the floor, whom Hermione has petrified using the "Petrificus Totalus Curse"]
Harry: Sad.
Hermione: Distressing.
Ron: It's for your own good, yous know.
[Hagrid tells Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco to separate into pairs and search the Night Woods]
Draco Malfoy: Okay. Then I become Fang!
Hagrid: Fine. Simply and then y'all know, he'south a encarmine coward.
Draco Malfoy: Wait 'til my begetter hears about this! This is servant's stuff!
Harry: If I didn't know any meliorate, Draco, I'd say you were scared.
Draco Malfoy: I'grand non scared, Potter!
[howling noise]
Draco Malfoy: Did you hear that?
Harry: [calls the canis familiaris] Come on, Fang!
Draco Malfoy: Think my name's funny, practice you lot? No need to ask yours. Red hair... and a paw-me-downwardly robe. You must be a Weasley.
Harry: I can't exist a-a-a wizard. I mean, I'm just Harry, but Harry.
Harry: You! No, it can't be. Snape, he - he was the...
Professor Quirrel: Yes, he does seem the blazon, doesn't he? Why, adjacent to him, who would doubtable p-p-poor, st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell?
Harry: Only that 24-hour interval, during the Quidditch friction match, Snape tried to kill me.
Professor Quirrel: No, dearest male child. *I* tried to kill you! And trust me, if Snape'south cloak hadn't caught fire and cleaved my heart contact, I would have succeeded! Fifty-fifty with Snape muttering his trivial counter-curse.
Seamus Finnigan: [in Charms class] Wingardium Leviosa. Wingard...
[BOOM]
Harry: [to Professor Flitwick] I think we're going to need another feather over here, Professor.
Seamus Finnigan: I'm half and half. Me dad's a muggle; Mam's a witch. Chip of a nasty shock for him when he establish out.
Seamus Finnigan: Centre of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water into rum.
[he checks the goblet, so tries once again]
Seamus Finnigan: Eye of rabbit, harp string hum...
Harry: What's Seamus trying to exercise to that glass of water?
Ron: Plow it to rum. Actually managed a weak tea yesterday! Before...
[explosion]
[about Fluffy]
Hagrid: I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the...
Harry: Yep?
Hagrid: Shouldn't have said that. No more questions, don't inquire anymore questions!
Draco Malfoy: It'due south true then, what they're saying on the train. Harry Potter has come up to Hogwarts.
[Hagrid has just very aggressively knocked down the door where the Dursleys are staying]
Hagrid: [Calmly] Deplorable about that
[Picks door upwardly and slams information technology back in place]
Sorting Hat: Ah! Another Weasley. I know just what to practise with y'all... GRYFFINDOR!
Harry: Say, Percy, who'due south that instructor talking to Professor Quirrell?
Percy Weasley: Oh, that'due south Professor Snape, head of Slytherin House.
Harry: What's he teach?
Percy Weasley: Potions. But everyone knows it'south the Dark Arts he fancies. He's been subsequently Quirrell's task for *years*.
Hagrid: I shouldn't accept told you that!
[repeated line]
Hagrid: Crikey, I'd love a dragon.
Harry: You'd like a dragon?
Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fatty rat yellowish!
Hermione: Are you certain that's a real spell? Well, it'southward not very adept, is information technology?
Uncle Vernon: [the Dursleys are sitting in the lounge, peacefully. It is Sunday and no messages have arrived] Fine 24-hour interval, Sunday. In my opinion, all-time day of the week.
[turns to Dudley]
Uncle Vernon: Why is that, Dudley?
[Dudley shrugs]
Harry: [Harry serves the Dursleys biscuits on a platter] Because there'due south no post on Sundays?
Uncle Vernon: Correct you are, Harry!
[Vernon takes a biscuit from the platter that Harry served them]
Uncle Vernon: No post on Sundays. Ha!
[Harry stares out to run into a parliament of owls outside Privet Drive]
Uncle Vernon: No blasted letters *today*! No, sir! Not one single encarmine letter of the alphabet! Not *one*!
[the owls hoot outside the window]
Uncle Vernon: No sir! Not i blasted, miserable -
[a letter whizzes toward Vernon and hits him in the face. The Dursleys and Harry hear a rumble and a whole lot of letters shoot through the fireplace. The Dursleys scream as the letters shoot toward them, as Harry tries to take hold of one. Harry has a letter in his mitt and Vernon chases after him]
Uncle Vernon: Give me that! Requite me that letter!
[Harry runs to his room underneath the staircase and Vernon grabs him, trying to get the letter of the alphabet]
Harry: [getting grabbed by Vernon] Get off!
[Petunia screams as more than letters shoot toward her and Vernon screams equally the messages topple him, whilst nonetheless grabbing Harry]
Harry: They're *my* letters! Let go of me!
[even more letters shoot through the mailbox]
Uncle Vernon: [Vernon has had enough of the letters and starts yelling] THAT'South IT! WE'RE GOING Away! FAR Away! WHERE THEY CAN'T Notice U.s.a.!
Dudley Dursley: [to Petunia] Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?
[Petunia looks at Vernon in shock]
Hermione: I'chiliad Hermione Granger
[to Ron]
Hermione: And you are?
Ron: [with his rima oris full] I'm Ron Weasley.
Hermione: [frowning] Pleasance.
Harry: Alibi me sir, can you tell me where I might find Platform Nine and Three-Quarters?
Station Baby-sit: Nine and Three-Quarters? Remember you're being funny do ya?
[muttering to himself]
Station Guard: 9 and Three-Quarters!
[later seeing Ron's queen destroy Harry's knight]
Hermione: That's totally barbarian!
Ron: That's wizard's chess.
George Weasley: [while sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating Christmas dinner] How exercise you similar yours, Ron?
[Ron, nonetheless, go on glancing over at Harry, who is sitting far away from everyone else, staring into the burn, remembering the image of his parents from the Mirror of Erised]
George Weasley: Ron?
Ron: I'll be right back.
[puts his utensils down and goes to Harry]
Ron: Wanna play chess?
Harry: No.
Ron: Wanna become and visit Hagrid?
Harry: No.
Ron: I know what you lot're thinking Harry, but don't. There's something not right about that mirror.
[Harry merely nods in acknowledgement equally Ron rejoins the other Gryffindors]
Harry: [Harry, Ron, and Hermione sneak downwardly the stairs, and Harry sees Trevor the toad] Trevor.
Ron: [Trevor croaks] Trevor! Go! You shouldn't exist hither!
Neville Longbottom: [appears] Neither should you. You're sneaking out once more, aren't you!
Harry: At present, Neville, listen, we were...
Neville Longbottom: No! I won't let you! You'll get Gryffindor into trouble once again! Uh, I-I'll fight you lot!
Hermione: Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this, but Petrificus Totalus!
[takes wand out and uses the Full Body-Demark Expletive on Neville, who freezes and falls on the floor]
Ron: [gulps] You're a petty scary sometimes, you know that. Vivid, but scary.
Harry: Permit'southward become.
Harry: [to Neville] Sorry.
Hermione: [to Neville] Sad.
Ron: [to Neville] Information technology'southward for your ain adept, you know.
Hagrid: [Harry and Marcus Flint both see the golden snitch and race for it on their broomsticks, while Harry falls off his and looks ill] Looks like he'south gonna be sick!
[Harry spits out the gilded snitch]
Lee Jordan: He's got the snitch! Harry Potter receives ane-hundred and fifty points for catching the snitch!
Madame Hooch: [flying on broomstick] Gryffindor wins!
[the Gryffindor crowd cheers and Snape looks disgusted]
Hagrid: Yeah!
[Harry holds upwards the snitch and the crowd thank you even more]
Draco Malfoy: [picks up Neville's Rememberall] Did you encounter his face? Perchance if the fatty lump had given this a squeeze, he'd accept remembered to fall on his fatty ass.
Harry: I swear I don't know. 1 minute the glass was in that location and then it was gone. It was like magic.
Uncle Vernon: There's no such matter as magic!
Hagrid: Dry up Dursley, y'all great prune!
Ron: [looking for information nigh Nicholas Flamell] We've looked a hundred times.
Hermione: [leaning closer] Not in the restricted department. Happy Christmas.
Voldemort: Harry Potter. We meet over again.
Harry: Voldemort?
Voldemort: Aye. You encounter what I've go? See what I must practise to survive? Live off some other, a mere parasite! Unicorn blood tin can sustain me, simply it cannot give me a body of my own. But there is something that can; something that, conveniently enough, lies in your pocket!
[Harry attempts to escape with the Rock; to Quirrell]
Voldemort: Stop him!
[Quirrell snaps his fingers, causing a perimeter of burn down to cake Harry's path]
Hagrid: [after telling Harry, Ron and Hermione how to become past fluffy] Oh! I shouldn't have said that.
Dumbledore: [walks onto Privet Drive and takes out lights with tool] I should have known that y'all would be here, Professor McGonagall.
[to Professor McGonagall, who is a true cat]
Professor McGonagall: [transforms into a human being] Good evening, Professor Dumbledore.
[walks with Dumbledore]
Professor McGonagall: Are the rumors true, Albus?
Dumbledore: I'thousand afraid so, Professor. The good... and the bad.
Professor McGonagall: And the boy?
Dumbledore: Hagrid is bringing him.
Professor McGonagall: Do you call back it wise to trust Hagrid with something this of import?
Dumbledore: Ah, Professor, I would trust Hagrid with my life.
[Hagrid appears on a flying motorcycle with babe Harry Potter]
Hagrid: Professor Dumbledore, sir, Professor McGonagall.
Dumbledore: No problems, I trust, Hagrid?
Hagrid: No, sir. Little tike fell asleep just as we were flyin' over Bristol. Effort not to wake him.
[gives Harry to Dumbledore and McGonagall]
Hagrid: At that place yeh get.
Professor McGonagall: Albus, do you really think information technology's safe to get out him with these people? I've watched them all twenty-four hour period, they're the worst sort of Muggles imaginable! They actually are.
Dumbledore: They're the only family unit he has.
Professor McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in the world who won't know his name!
Dumbledore: Exactly. He's far better off growing up abroad from that, until he's ready.
[puts Harry on the Dursley's front step and looks at Hagrid, who is crying]
Dumbledore: There in that location, Hagrid, it'south not really goodbye later on all.
[Hagrid nods, while Dumbledore leaves a letter for the Dursleys on Harry]
Dumbledore: Practiced luck, Harry Potter.
[the camera shoots to Harry's scar]
Dumbledore: As well, our flagman, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you lot that the third-flooring corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to dice a most painful death.
Ron: Mental that one, I'm telling you lot.
Hermione: You've got dirt on your nose, by the fashion. Did you lot know? Only there.
[about the Bludgers]
Oliver Wood: Nasty picayune buggers.
[showing Harry the Gilded Snitch]
Harry: I like this ball.
Oliver Wood: Ah, you similar it at present. Just expect. It'due south wicked fast, and damn most impossible to meet.
Harry: What do I do with it?
Oliver Wood: You catch it, before the other squad's seeker. You catch this, the game's over. You lot take hold of this, Potter, and we win.
Harry: [trying to get Neville's Rememberall] Give it here, Malfoy or I'll knock you off your broom!
Draco Malfoy: Is that so?
[Harry makes a take hold of for Malfoy simply he moves]
Draco Malfoy: Have it your way so.
[Malfoy throws the Rememberall]
Harry: Where's Hermione?
Neville Longbottom: Parvati Patil says that she wouldn't come out of the girls bathroom. She said that she'd been in there all afternoon, crying.
[Harry looks at Ron, who shrugs]
Professor Quirrel: [comes running to Dumbledore] TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!
[Dumbledore and McGonagall stand up up, all the kids stare at Quirrell]
Professor Quirrel: Thought you ought to know.
[faints]
Dumbledore: [kids scream] Silence!
[everybody stops screaming]
Dumbledore: Please do not panic. Now, Prefects will lead their house back to the dormitories, and teachers will follow me to the dungeons.
[kids follow Percy, while Snape walks away and closes the door]
Hagrid: Run into Harry, you're famous.
Harry: Simply why am I famous, Hagrid? All those people back there, how is it they know who I am?
Hagrid: I'chiliad not sure I'k exactly the right person to tell you lot that, Harry.
Harry: [writing HAPPY Birthday HARRY on the sand-like floor of the boat he and the Dursley's are in] Make a wish, Harry.
[looks at Dudley's scout, it is now his birthday, and blows on the dusty, sand-similar floor, when someone is trying to interruption in, which wakes Dudley upwards]
Uncle Vernon: [come's into Dudley and Harry'southward room with a rifle and Aunt Petunia] Who's there?
[the door breaks open, and anybody screams in terror]
Hagrid: Sorry about that.
[puts door dorsum on]
Uncle Vernon: I need that you go out at once! You lot are breaking an entry!
Hagrid: [walks over to Vernon] Dry out upwardly, Dursley, yous dandy prune!
[bends the rifle'southward end up and Vernon shoots and walks over to Dudley]
Hagrid: Boy, I hasn't seen yeh since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a piddling bit longer that I expected, especially right in the middle.
Dudley Dursley: I-I'thou non Harry.
Harry: [walks over to Hagrid] I am.
Hagrid: Well, of course you are. Got somethin' for yeh, 'fraid I may have sat on it at some point, only I imagine it'll taste but the same.
[gives Harry a box]
Hagrid: Painted it myself, words and all.
[Dudley looks jealous]
Harry: [opens the box, to reveal a block that says HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY on it] Cheers.
Hagrid: It's non every solar day your young human turns eleven, eh?
Professor McGonagall: Are you lot sure you could trust Hagrid with such an important thing?
Dumbledore: I would trust Hagrid with my own life.
[Hagrid appears on a motorbike with infant Harry]
[repeated line]
Hagrid: Shouldn't have told yeh tha'.
Professor Quirrel: What is it? What do you lot run into?
Harry: Uh, I'thousand shaking hands with Dumbledore. I've won the Business firm Cup.
Voldemort: He lies.
Professor Quirrel: Tell the truth! What do yous run across?
Voldemort: Let me speak to him.
Professor Quirrel: Master, you are non strong enough.
Voldemort: I take strengh enough for this.
[Quirrell turns his back to the Mirror of Erised. As he unravels his turban, Harry checks the stairs and backs toward them. Quirrell removes the turban, revealing a face on the dorsum of his head. Reflected in the Mirror, the face's veiny, pale peel stretches as it takes shape. Information technology has thin, cherry-red eyes and a narrow nose]
Voldemort: Harry Potter, we meet again.
Harry: Voldemort.
Aunt Petunia: This is what you're going to be wearing when I cease dying information technology.
[offset lines]
Professor McGonagall: [as a cat] Mraow!
Dumbledore: I should have known that you would be here, Professor McGonagall.
[Professor McGonagall transfigures into her human being self]
[in King'south Cross]
Hagrid: What are y'all lookin' at?
Hermione: [walks into the girls bathroom and sees a troll, which attacks her with a society as soon equally Harry and Ron rush in]
Harry: HERMIONE, Move!
[he and Ron throw pieces of cleaved wood at the giant troll, which doesn't notice and grabs Hermione]
Ron: Hey, pea brain!
[throws a giant peace of wood at the troll, which drops Hermione, simply attacks her with the guild]
Hermione: Help!
[Harry jumps onto the troll's guild and then onto its head, which makes the troll wiggle around its head]
Harry: [puts his wand into the troll'south nose, while the troll grabs Harry and holds him upside down] Do something!
[the troll tries to hit Harry with the club]
Ron: What?
Harry: Anything!
[Ron pulls out his wand]
Harry: Hurry up!
Hermione: [to Ron] Classy and flick!
Ron: Wingardium Leviosa!
[the troll's social club comes out of its hand and drops on his head, which knocks it out and leaves a pile of dust]
Hermione: Is information technology... dead?
Harry: I don't retrieve so, just knocked out.
Professor Quirrel: What is this magic?
Voldemort: Fool, become the rock!
[Harry grabs Quirrell's face, and he blisters painfully, but and then crumbles from being, a horcrux all along. There is nil more than Harry could do, but option up the Wizard'south Stone, until Voldemort's spirit rises from the ashes, scares Harry unconscious and flies abroad]
Hermione: Information technology's Wingardium LevioSA, not LevioSAR.
Draco Malfoy: Yous don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help y'all there.
[holds out hand]
Ron: Happy Christmas, Harry.
Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry
Mr. Ollivander: Later on all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did keen things. Terrible, yes, simply swell.
Percy Weasley: Keep an middle on the staircases, they like to change.
Uncle Vernon: [Harry is in his room, under the stairs, playing with his toy horse, when he hears a drilling noise] No more mail through this letterbox!
[Harry opens the door to see Vernon drilling a slice of woods through the post slot to finish any letters coming in]
Ron: Do yous really have that... scar?
[Filch escorts Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco to Hagrid's hut]
Caretaker Argus Filch: A pity they allow the old punishments die. Was a fourth dimension detention would find you lot hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons.
[Draco grimaces; Hermione looks shocked]
Caretaker Argus Filch: God, I miss the screaming.
[Hagrid steps out of his hut]
Caretaker Argus Filch: You'll exist serving detention with Hagrid this night. He's got a little job to do inside the Dark Forest.
[Filch and the students assemble around the campfire]
Flagman Argus Filch: A sorry lot, this, Hagrid.
[Hagrid, ignoring Filch, sadly picks upward a crossbow]
Caretaker Argus Filch: Oh, good God, man, you're non still on about that bloody dragon, are y'all?
Hagrid: [sniffles] Norbert's gone. Dumbledore sent him off to Romania to live in a colony.
Hermione: Well, that'south proficient, isn't it? He'll be with his own kind.
Hagrid: Yeah, but what if he don't like Romania?
[Filch rolls his optics]
Hagrid: What if the other dragons are hateful to him? He's only a baby, after all.
Caretaker Argus Filch: Oh, for God's sake, pull yourself together, man! Y'all're going into the forest, after all. Got to have your wits about yous.
Draco Malfoy: The forest? I thought that was a joke. Nosotros tin't go in there.
[Filch turns to face him]
Draco Malfoy: Students aren't immune. And there are...
[a wolf howls in the distance; Ron looks scared]
Draco Malfoy: ... werewolves.
Flagman Argus Filch: Oh, there'south more than werewolves in those trees, lad. You can be sure of that.
[before returning to the castle]
Caretaker Argus Filch: Nighty-night.
Hagrid: Correct. Permit'south get.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0241527/quotes/qt3035598